


A Cat Named Cat

by coffeebuddha



Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: Humor, M/M, Pets
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-03-06
Updated: 2012-03-06
Packaged: 2017-11-01 13:23:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 828
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/357290
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/coffeebuddha/pseuds/coffeebuddha
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Spencer gets a cat and Derek really needs to get some sleep. (Or the one where Derek gets cockblocked by a cat.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Cat Named Cat

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Sugakane_01](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sugakane_01/gifts).



Derek is willing to admit that he's maybe just made a somewhat ridiculously big tactical error. In retrospect, it's obvious that when Spencer had shown up at his door just moments earlier with a tiny, bedraggled bundle of orange fur cradled in the crook of his arm, Derek's reaction shouldn't have been to look from it to Spencer and say, "Oh, good, you brought Clooney a new squeak toy. He's pretty much destroyed his old one."

The look Spencer gives him is a very specific look. It's the kind of look that says Derek belongs in remedial everything, which isn't exactly fair. Derek's smart, okay? Obviously not Spencer smart, but still _smart_ , and it'd be nice if people would remember that sometimes.

"I took all the available AP classes my high school offered," Derek says defensively. "I passed them and everything."

Spencer tilts his head to the side and blinks at him very slowly. As if on cue, the kitten untucks its head from his elbow and echoes the tilt and blink.

For the life of him, Derek can't figure out why he suddenly has absolutely no control over the words that keep pouring stupidly out of his mouth. Maybe he _does_ belong in remedial everything.

"Right," Spencer says, stretching the word out like taffy. "Clearly this is going to work better once you haven't been awake for seventy-two hours straight. I think Cat and I will just go home."

Derek can hear the capital letter, and his brain zeroes in on that one tiny, insignificant fact. It's with a growing sense of horror that he hears himself blurting out, "You named your cat  _Cat_? Didn't you memorize a baby name book when JJ was pregnant? And you still named your cat _Cat_?"

Spencer's face goes scarily blank, the way it only ever does when he's trying to bury his Real Boy feelings under Star Trek trivia and arson statistics, and Derek has all of two seconds to realize that, oh shit, he just hurt Spencer's feelings before Spencer turns and starts back down the walkway to his car.

"Wait," Derek exclaims, and he stumbles down the front steps. It's February and he's dressed in his boxers and exactly one sock, so instead of the impassioned plea he'd planned on, he blurts out, "Shit, shit, fucking _cold_ , shit!"

Spencer's shoulders are shaking. Derek is going to have to punch himself in the face if he made Spencer cry. At the very least he'll have to call Hotch to come over and do it for him, and Hotch punches like a beast for someone with hair like that.

Not that there's anything wrong with Hotch's hair.

It's kind of Clark Kentish. 

Okay, put in that light, maybe he punches exactly as hard as would be expected.

...

What was Derek doing again?

"You're pathetic," Spencer says far too fondly considering Derek made him cry. Except he doesn't sound like he's crying. Odd.

"Sorry," Derek garbles out between his chattering teeth, and Spencer takes his elbow and turns  him back toward his house. This close, it's easier to see that the tension  at his mouth is from trying to hold back a grin, and Derek can't figure out if Spencer laughing at him is better or worse than the possibility of making him cry. Probably best not  to go down that road, he decides, and does his best to maintain his dignity while hopping back up his steps so that his socked foot is the only one that has to touch the ground until he's inside.

Spencer makes a sound that can only be called a giggle, so chances are he failed.

"You're not allowed to leave me because I insult your cat," Derek says. He thinks he'll write that into his wedding vows if they ever get around to getting married.

"That's not why I'm leaving. I'm leaving because you haven't slept in three days, so Indiana Jones and couch sex can wait until tomorrow," Spencer says in a tone that clearly implies he thinks this should all be obvious.

"Compromise with Indiana Jones and couch naps?" Derek tries as he stumbles up against Spencer's side and presses a messy kiss to his cheek.  Cat yowls from where he--she? it?--is being squished between the two of them.

Across the room, Clooney opens one eye, wuffles, and then goes back to ignoring them.

"Cat hates me," Derek mumbles as Spencer pushes him down onto the couch and tries to unfold the afghan on the back of the armchair one handed. "Cat hates me and you're going to leave me and now Clooney will be an only child forever."

"Right, exactly that," Spencer says with a laugh, bending down to kiss Derek's forehead.

And Derek has something to say to that, really he does, but he's asleep before he can form the words.


End file.
